I had been home for almost a week after having been captured, tortured, and raped by the Fae twins, Neave, and Lochlan. Eric had been coming to see me, and he gave me his blood every night helping to heal me, except for tonight. Tonight he had to go to Fangtasia. The only thing he would tell me was that he was expecting an important visit from Felipe DeCastro, his new monarch.
So there I was, lying on the couch recovering from my injuries while I stared at the TV, alone. Fortunately, nearly all of my injuries had almost healed from having taken so much of Eric’s blood; nonetheless, by the way, everyone looked at me (and their thoughts) you wouldn’t think it. I didn’t know how I was supposed to just get over this when everyone who knew what happened could not stop thinking about all the things those faeries may have done to me. The only time I could escape their thoughts was when Eric was near. On one hand, it was nice having Eric so close and available. He’d kept everyone away from me, and had been giving me his blood to heal. If it weren’t for his blood, I would be in terrible pain and horribly scarred. If I still looked as bad as I had when I was in the hospital, I can’t imagine what the thoughts would be of all the people who’ve come by. Yet, the one thing that has me so incredibly frustrated? Eric still hasn’t told me why he wasn’t the one to save me that fateful night. When I asked him while we were at the hospital, all he would say was, “You’re killing me, you’re killing me.” Neither of us has mentioned it again.
Why didn’t he come for me? Was I wrong about the depths of his feelings for me? Perhaps he wasn’t being faithful to me. Ugh, didn’t even want to go down that road. I had always thought of Eric as loyal and I thought he was to me, but I couldn’t stop wondering why he wouldn’t answer a simple question. I was feeling better now so he couldn’t use that as an excuse. Well, physically, I was mostly healed. Emotionally, I don’t know if I’d ever heal, but I’m a grown woman, and I’m entitled to know the truth.
I heard Amelia get up and go into her bathroom. Maybe I should go back to my room so she won’t see me. Every time she sees me she thinks the most horrible thoughts about how I looked when she first saw me after my life-altering event and that’s what it was. Life. Altering. I’ll never be the same after that day.
Because she’s such a strong broadcaster, I can’t block her thoughts. Amelia may say she doesn’t blame me for Tray’s death, but I know better. I could hear her thoughts. She was trying to be nice so I could heal, but when she’s not thinking about Tray’s death, then she’s thinking about how I looked when I came home from the hospital.
One day while I was sleeping, Alcide came over to see how I was and talked to Amelia. He told her all he knew about Lochlan and Neave, so now she imagines what all the possible and horrific things they might have done to me, and tries to connect the dots on all the bite marks and knife wounds I had.
It’s been much too hard to keep my shields up and not listen to everyone. It’s only getting worse the longer I’m stuck in this house. Eric and Pam have been the only respite I have had, although every time I see him I taste the bitterness. It’s not that I blame Eric, I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t come to my rescue and save me from the torture I endured. I can’t help but to think that if something was stopping him, he would just say so, that he would explain to me that it was out of his control or something, but, no, nothing. He hasn’t explained anything so he has no excuses. Pam only visited once, but she has been running Fangtasia while Eric has been gone, so at least she has a good excuse for not being there for me, unlike someone else I know. Bill finally came home from the hospital yesterday, but he’s still very weak from the silver poisoning. I guess I won’t be seeing him anytime soon.
Before Amelia could come downstairs, I decided that I was going to go to my room. I shouldn’t have to hide out in my own house, but I am. I need to get some sleep because tomorrow is Tray’s funeral. I know I probably won’t get very much sleep, but I need to at least try. Every night I had been having nightmares of my time with the fairies, so I was barely sleeping most nights.
Amelia and I had just returned from Tray’s funeral, and I felt as if I was about to lose my mind after listening to everyone’s pity for me and his or her thoughts of my torture. The Supernatural community gossips more than anyone I know. What happened in my life should be private. I wished everyone could control his or her thoughts because I couldn’t stop hearing them.
I’d decided I had to talk to Amelia. I’d made a few decisions last night when I couldn’t sleep. Decisions that I didn’t think were going to make very many people happy, but I felt that I needed to get away for a while and do what was best for me. I needed to go somewhere where no one knew me and I would be able to get some peace.
I walked upstairs to Amelia’s room and knocked on her door. I opened the door when I heard her call for me to come in. Amelia was curled up on her bed in a fetal position, still in her funeral clothes. I walked over to her bed and sat beside her.
“I need to talk to you and ask you for a favor,” Amelia opened her eyes and looked up at me. “I know this is a bad time, but after this, I’m hopeful things will get better for you and me.”
“What do you need, Sookie?” Amelia whispered. I hated that I had to ask her for anything while she was mourning, but I hoped that what I was about to ask would make things better for the both of us. I had never seen her so sad. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks stained with tears.
“I’ve been doing some thinking, and I need to get away from here for a while. My shields are weak and I can’t keep anyone out. I appreciate that you, Sam, Alcide, and Eric have all been taking care of me, you especially, but I can’t be around your thoughts anymore. So, what I’m asking of you is if it’s possible for you to make a potion that will block the blood bond I have with Eric.”
“Why do you want to block it?” She asked me.
“I want to get away from everyone, including Eric. I know I can’t hear his thoughts, but I’ve also been having my own thoughts about him. I don’t want him to be able to find me.”
“What kind of thoughts are you having?” Amelia asked as she sat up in bed and crossed her legs in front of her.
“My biggest question is why didn’t he save me that night? That just gets me started on other issues. You know I’ve always wondered if the bond was making me feel certain things for Eric or if they were my true feelings,” Amelia nodded her head. “I need to be alone in my body right now to figure out some things and heal, physically and emotionally.”
“Why don’t you just ask Eric why he didn’t save you?”
“I did, the night of the Fairy war. He wouldn’t answer me. I thought he really cared about me, but maybe I’m just being duped again. I’m in a fragile place right now, and having him here only reminds me of all these questions swirling in my head. Could you do this? If you can, then I’ll be away from here, and maybe then you can also heal some. I know it’s hard to see me and not think about Tray.”
“I’m sorry, Sookie. I don’t mean to, and I definitely don’t want to run you out of your own house.”
“You’re not. I need to get away from everything. I need to be around people who don’t know me, and aren’t thinking about what the fairies did to me.”
“You realize Eric won’t be happy about this, don’t you?”
“True, but sometimes I wonder about his intentions, and I’m sure he’ll be angrier over the fact I left without his permission than anything else. Right now I don’t really care about how this will affect him; I need to do this for myself.”
“I might be able to come up with a potion. I’ll need to make sure I have all the ingredients. Let me get up and check. I may need to go out and get some. How soon do you want this?”
“As quickly as possible. Do you think you could have it done by this afternoon? I’d like to hit the road before sunset. If you need anything, just let me know and I’ll get it for you while I’m out. I’m going over to Eric’s house to leave him a letter.”
“Why not just wait till he wakes up and talk to him?”
“First of all, he won’t let me leave once I tell him what I want to do,” I said to her. “Secondly, if he wakes up and the bond is gone, he’ll think I’m dead. He’ll come here immediately. I want him to know why I am doing this and not to come looking for me.”
“If that’s what you want to do, I’ll check and let you know in a little bit. I should be able to do it once I have everything together in under an hour.”
I wrapped my arms around Amelia and hugged her. She’s such a good friend. She really didn’t have to do this for me. I knew that she was grieving and would rather be doing anything except helping me run away.
I stood up and walked downstairs to my room to write my letter to Eric.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay, but I needed to get away from everyone and everything for a while. I don’t know where I’m going, but please do not try to find me. I need time to heal both emotionally and physically.
I had Amelia create a potion that will block our bond. Please do not threaten or hurt her. I asked her to do this. She thought I should stay and talk with you, but I have too many thoughts running through my head right now. I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry.
I’m not sure where we are in our relationship or if we even have one anymore. As you know, I have always wondered what my true feelings were toward you from the time when the blood bond was created. It always seems as if you don’t want to give me answers to many of the important problems between us. I want to take this time to figure all this of out while the bond won’t affect me. Maybe you don’t even care that I’m gone, but I wanted you to know that I’m alive. I will get in touch with you when I’m ready.
I put the letter in an envelope and wrote Eric’s name on the outside. Once I was done getting dressed, I headed back upstairs to Amelia’s room. This time her door was open and she was reading a book. When she noticed me at the door, she looked up.
“We’re in luck. I don’t need anything and it should be done by the time you get back from Shreveport. You should hurry though if you want to get some distance before sunset. I plan to take a trip down to New Orleans for a couple of days to see how my property is doing. I don’t want to be here in case tall, blonde, and deadly comes over on a rampage.”
“I wrote him a letter and told him it was all my idea and to leave you alone, but if you want to go I won’t stop you.”
“It’s as good of time as any. I really have been meaning to go down there and check on things.”
“Okay. I really should be going so we can both take off once I return. I’ll see you in a little while. Thank you for doing this for me. I really appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Amelia said, giving me a quick hug that I gave right back.
Once I arrived at Eric’s house, I let myself in and went down to his resting place. I turned on my cell phone so I could have some light. I hated how very dark it was in there. I should have brought a flashlight, but I guess I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.
I looked to my left and there was Eric, lying in his bed looking almost like a boy. His features were relaxed, and he had a few strands of hair on his face. He always looked so peaceful when he slept (Well, technically, dead for the day). I placed the envelope with my letter in his hand so he would notice it when he rose. I brushed the hair out of his face and lightly kissed his lips.
“Goodbye, Eric,” I whispered and retreated from his resting place.
I quickly worked my way through the house and locked up everything. I rushed to my car and out of Shreveport. I wanted to get back to Bon Temps as soon as possible to put some miles between me and everything here.
I parked my car at the back door and quickly made my way inside. Amelia was standing in the kitchen with a small flask and a large blue bottle in her hands.
“What do you have in your hands, Amelia?” I asked her.
“Your potions. One is for you to take now; it’s the stronger of the two and will start blocking the bond. You will need to keep taking it every day until you want the bond back. You will only have to take a tablespoon of the potion each day for it to work after the initial dose.”
“Thank you so much for this, Amelia! You have no idea how much this means to me! I’m going to quickly make sure I’ve got everything I’ll need, and then I’ll be back to take the potion.”
I walked to my bedroom, grabbed my bags that I had left on my bed, and took a quick look around. It looked as if I had everything so I headed back into the kitchen where Amelia was waiting. She had a little suitcase sitting by the back door.
“Just drink this, and then tell me how you feel,” Amelia said as she handed the flask over to me.
I took the potion from her and I drank it down as fast as I could. Oh My God! This stuff tasted wretched. I fought to not throw up all over poor Amelia. I looked over at her, and I could tell she was trying not to crack up.
“What?” I asked her.
“The look on your face was so comical! Does it really taste that bad?”
“I think that’s the worst tasting stuff I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Well, you’re lucky because from now on your doses will be much smaller. How do you feel?”
“I feel fine,” I said right before I clutched at my chest as I started to feel the bond fade away into nothing. “I can’t feel Eric at all…” I told her as my eyes started to well up. It felt as if there was a hole in my heart where the bond once was.
“Don’t cry, Sookie. I thought that was what you wanted.”
“I know. I know. I just didn’t expect it to feel this way. I need to go and you should too. I need to leave a message on Eric’s phone in case he doesn’t see his note. I really hope he doesn’t feel like this when he wakes up.” I knew I would hate to wake up with this feeling. Maybe I should have talked to Eric first before doing this, but it was too late now. I had to suck it up and face the consequences.
I gave Amelia a quick hug and told her I hoped to see her soon. I grabbed my bags, the bottle of potion, and headed for my car. Once I was on the highway I called Eric and told him that I was fine, to please read the letter, and that I was sorry. I would be in touch with him when I decided to come home, and then I turned off my phone. I didn’t want to get any phone calls and I hoped with it turned off that it couldn’t be traced.
I continued north on the interstate. I needed to get as far from Louisiana as I possibly could.
I had been traveling north for a week when I stopped in a cute little town called Rockland, Maine. Downtown looked as if it came straight out of the 1940’s with all of its red brick buildings that hadn’t been updated in a long time. It was a small town that looked like any town, anywhere. No one should be able to find me here. What really made my decision to stay was the harbor. It was so peaceful and quaint. It was lined with old buildings, boats, and a mountain was full of trees in their fall color splendor.
It was serene, and that was just what I needed to begin this journey of healing.