~~~~6 months ago

When Jason staked Warlow, Sookie felt an uncomfortable tingling, then all at once her body began to feel as if it were burning.  Unimaginable pain overcame her and she fell to her knees crying and screaming without stop.  Niall and Jason tried to discern what had happened.  There were no wounds and any attempts to ask fell on deaf ears.  She couldnt speak.  She could only scream until her voice gave out and finally she passed out. 

Her body was still and she looked peaceful, but no one truly believed that due to the way she had succumbed to the unconsciousness.  Only Lafayette was told of her condition and when Bill came to see her, he was turned away by Jason.

Niall said he would go to Faerie and learn what he could before he came back.  He did not return.  Lafayette stayed with her keeping vigil, while Jason returned to work.

When she finally woke after 3 days, Lafayette was there and gave her something to keep her calm when she began to tremble.  She was not one to take drugs, but under the circumstances, she ignored those reservations and took the pill without question.

She told him she didnt dream at all while she was unconscious and was afraid to sleep anymore.  It unnerved her to be completely void of everything.  Whatever he gave her kept her awake while keeping her relaxed.  She still felt pain, but it was less intense and there began another sensation, hunger, but she wasnt hungry.  It was like hearing a child cry, knowing it needed to eat, but being unable to provide.

Through all of this, there was only one thought in back of her mind.  Eric.  Where was Eric?  It wasnt even a conscious thought, but it was there all the same. 

Then all at once, the pain and hunger subsided and was replaced with emptiness.  She felt hollow and would only speak to Lafayette, with whom she had shared her feelings and had kept her company.  Time passed.  Days turned into weeks, but still she felt nothing.


~~~~5 months ago

At some point Dr. Ludwig appeared.  It only made sense that Bill wouldve contacted her, since he ultimately had been invited in, to her dismay, and was there during her visit with the little doctor, as was Lafayette at Sookie’s request.  Jason, obviously uncomfortable around the doctor stayed in the kitchen.  He had been worried, but at a loss of how to help.

Ludwig took one brief look at her and immediately asked her who she had exchanged blood with recently.  Surprised by her question, but not caring who was in the room or what they would think, Sookie told her about the exchange with Warlow and the night when Eric said they would be One, offering his blood to her after drinking hers.  Bill hissed at mention of Eric.  He was shot a glare by Lafayette who was sitting down next to Sookie taking her hands in comfort and support.

Tears began prickling at the corners of her eyes as she recalled the shared dream theyd had.  She could also feel another sensation starting to stir between her legs at the thought, almost overpowering the grief.  It was the first thing she had felt in so long, it nearly overtook her.

The Supe doctor explained Warlows blood had not affected her since she had already begun a bond with Eric beforehand.  At this and the smell of her arousal, Bill stormed out of the room and out of the house slamming the door behind him.  Jason quietly rescinded his invitation after he had left. 

Undeterred by Bills abrupt exit, Dr. Ludwig shook her head and said Well, something has obviously happened to the Viking.  Since you cant feel him, hes either shut down the faint bond you had started or hes met the True Death. 

 Before the words could fully register, for a brief moment she thought she saw him.  His fathomless blue eyes piercing her with a look of hope and despair.  She could see his entire 65 frame sculpted with muscles so defined they looked like they couldnt possibly be real.  She remembered all too well how real they felt rippling under her fingers as they flexed while he hovered over her.  Before she could get carried away with those thoughts, he was suddenly inches away, so close to her she could feel his cool breath on her ear as he reached for the back of her neck and pulled her to him gripping her hair in his hand caressing her scalp gently.  He whispered something so faint she barely heard him…“Wait”…and then he was gone and everything went black.


~~~~Present time

Sookie looked at herself in the mirror for what seemed to be the hundredth time.  Hell, it probably was.  Touching up her make-up again, reapplying the nude gloss making her mouth look wet as if she’d just licked her lips.  Her eyes were line with a soft brown color and she applied a light coat of black/brown mascara, complimenting her dark chocolate eyes.  All of which made her look as if she wasn’t wearing makeup at all, but accentuated her natural beauty.

She completed her ‘natural’ allure with the slightest bit of perfume dabbed between her breasts.  It smelled like morning dew with a hint of Honeysuckle.  She had it blended at one of those kiosks in the mall thinking the unique scent would remind him of the early sun-filled mornings he has missed for so long.  Well, if she were honest with herself (which she rarely was), she had done it a long time ago thinking that it might deter from her ‘sunshine in a blonde bottle’ natural scent.  Since all the Supes (especially vampires) she had every met, continued to go on and on about it.

You scent so intoxicatingyour scent is the most unusual and delicious thing I have ever smellednirvana, ambrosia, honey, wheat, heavenyour scent is soblah blah blah…”

She didn’t know how to mask her fae smell and wondered if it was even possible.  Niall hadn’t been very interested in teaching her anything other than how to create a light ball that would kill all vampires with it’s SuperNova.  Like she really wanted to kill everyone she cared about and loved.  Thanks Gramps!  She knew her pulse points would attract more attention, but hoped the perfume might distract from the biting for just a little while.  She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about being intimate in that way, yet.  After all, she was a carrier.  On the other hand, he was already sick.  It couldn’t do more damage, could it?

Why isnt this easier? Am I really this nervous?

It had always been easy with Alcide.  There was no nervousness.  There were never butterflies.  His kisses never made her feel like she could fall into his arms and get lost in him at any moment.  He was just comfortable and different.  In the beginning it was nice to be with someone…well, warm…but the romantic feelings never came and in the end, they were just good friends, at least in her mind.

They had been together for about a month, but he had already moved in.  Sex was an obligation she felt she owed both to him and the relationship he wanted.  The one he thought they had.

She felt guilty.

He had removed her from the supernatural world, despite that fact that he himself was part of it.  He was so nice to her even after he knew she killed Debbie.  He didn’t blame her, even though she was most definitely guilty of that.

So, of course she gave him her body.  That was all he ever asked for, but now she needed to put that behind her and move forward.  At least I wont have to do THAT anymore. 

Sookie Stackhouse!  What is the matter with you saying and thinking such things!?  That man loved the fuck out of you and died trying to protect you!  You werent raised to be such an ungrateful little bitch!

She could almost hear her Gran’s voice chastising her.

Wait, Gran wouldnt use that kind of language.

It was then she realized it was her speaking out loud.  More specifically, her guilt speaking to her.

Great now Im talking to myself! she shouted to no one.  Now is soooo not the time!

She focused on the task at hand.  Looking at herself again, she fixed that last curl and gazed down at her dress.  She thought about the last time she had worn white for him and growled when she thought of how the Maenad had destroyed that and almost all her other clothes when Tara had invited her to stay when she was out of town.

Fucking Tara!  I asked HER to move in with me, not that crazy bitch, because I felt


Guilt that her friend had been arrested and was staying with strangers while Sookie had done nothing to help her.  Guilt because she had been too caught up with herself to think of her best friend since childhood.  She wanted a roommate because she was lonely.

It wasn’t about Tara.  It was about Sookie.

Deciding she couldn’t do any more primping, she went downstairs and paused at the front door before she opened it.  She took a deep breath to clear her head of everything that was weighing on her, then took off at a full run down the porch and across the cemetery barefoot with her long tresses flowing out behind her.

She planned to recreate their first time, HER first time.  What a better way to show him how much she cared…

About the guilt she felt for infecting him.

After all, this would be his LAST time.

She knew he could never compare to Eric, no one could or ever would, but Eric was gone.

She also knew that Bill Compton loved her.  Of course he would want his last time it to be with her.  He said she was the love of his life the night she left both he and Eric.  That wouldn’t have changed.

Her feelings for Eric never had, so she was sure that Bill still felt the same.

She stumbled at the thought of Eric.  She had lied that night, to both of them and made the biggest mistake of her life.


Her steps began to slow.


~~~~2 days ago

Seeing Eric for the first time when he walked into Bills mansion brought back all the feelings she had tried to bury for the last 5 months along with unsurmountable relief.  She thought he was dead, finally dead.  After the visit with Dr. Ludwig, she never felt or heard anything from him again.  She longed for him, missed him, but ultimately accepted it and tried to move on.

It was her fault that he left.  The guilt was hers alone. 

She hid this from Alcide.  He couldnt read her, didnt know her.  Would never understand her.  Not like Eric did.  If Alcide knew something was off, either he ignored it or didnt care.  As long as she stayed with him.

Pulled from her musings, she ran into Erics arms and he pulled her close while they talked quietly about his illness.  You cant die on me she said looking up at him.  His simple response Im still here, Sookie. and pulled her to him again.  She felt whole as they held each other and no one else existed for them.  One look and all the love and longing returned stronger than before.

Growing uncomfortable at the display, Bill suggested the two move to another room and closed the doors.  It was only a moment before she was in his arms again.  God she loved the way he held her, one hand around her waist and the other gently stroking her hair just like she remembered.  He was so beautiful, tender, loving and caring.  When she asked where hed been he told her of his travels and what had happened on the mountain top.  He told her it took him 3 days to fully regain consciousness before he began to feed and heal from the sun.  3 days unconscious and then hunger




Seeing him infected had broken her heart and she wanted nothing more than to take him home and care for him, but he when looked at her from across the room, she knew he was leaving again.  She knew this time was the last time she would see him.  He would die before he could return.


Story pic So what

She tried to smile, but made no move to go to him.  He looked at her with love, longing, regret and resignation all at the same time before walking out of Fangtasia.  The bar where they’d just killed all of the other infected vampires and saved her friends.

Again, he’d made it safe for her.  He could have left with Pam, but he stayed and made his children stay as well, because she needed his help.  Because she needed him.

She was not invited to go with him and from the look on Pam’s face would certainly not be welcome if she tagged along.  He wouldn’t want her to see him weak, well, weaker than he was already.


Her feet stopped moving.

Again she focused on her intent of what she was going to do, but her resolve was not as strong as she began to pace.

So what if he told her she was dead to him.  He didn’t mean it.  He was possessed.  She could over look that.

So what if he didn’t care if she spent eternity as a vampire/fairy hybrid.  She was a hybrid herself.  She could see past that.

So what if she meant it when she called him a mother fucking monster?  He was acting like one, but he had changed.  She understood that.

So what if he’d had her beaten!?  Almost to death.

So what if he’d forced his blood into her!?  It was a job.

So what if he had almost drained her when she was rescuing him?  He was starved and weak.

So what if he helped Russell in securing her for her blood to daywalk!?!  It was to save her.

Or was it to get more blood into her?

So what that he tried to blow up Moon Goddess with her friends inside!?!?  He was willing to die for her by being shot…after he shot Eric?

He would have overpowered Pam and survived.  She began to get angry.

So what if he’d poisoned her thoughts about Eric!?!?!

Eric, the only man she had truly and completely loved for who he was, the bad and the good.

She could feel her anger rising and her guilt receding over Bill.

SO WHAT if she infected him!?

SO FUCKING WHAT!?!?!?!  FUCK HIM! she screamed.

He deserves it. she seethed with venom.

No, she wasn’t raised to use that kind of language, but she wasn’t raised to be a fucking doormat either!  She steeled herself in the knowledge of the truths she had buried in her mind.

Continuing on her path preparing to tell him just that, she began moving again.  She was running again, lost in her thoughts when she ran, literally, into something hard and cold.  It knocked her back onto her ass as she looked up.

Well, its about fucking time!


Of course Pam had overheard her.  Of all the people to be there, Pam would surely find some sort of sick enjoyment out of her realization that she had been a blind idiot.  She’d lost her love out of stupidity and now Pam was here to blame her for his death, but not more than she could ever blame herself.

Was it bad?  I mean I know it was, but how bad did he suffer? she choked out.  “I wish I had been there to hold him.  I wish I had been there to tell him what a fool I was and how I never stopped loving him. she began to weep silently.

Well, I was there and it was really quite spectacular.  Pam drawled out sounding bored.

Sookie couldn’t believe her ears.  What is wrong with you?  He was your maker!

He released me before we even went to Vamp Camp.  I didnt get to feel any of it.  She stated matter-of-factly.

Perplexed, but infuriated by Pam’s attitude and remarks, Sookie jumped to her feet and lunged at her, already fueled by her hate filled thoughts of Bill.  Tears of sorrow transformed into tears of anger.

You didnt GET to?  I knew you were heartless Pam, but…”  She couldn’t say anymore.  Pam had easily caught her by the throat in mid-air and held her there.  She wasn’t squeezing, but she was holding her in place.

You dont know anything about me Tinkerbell.  And Im not here to fill you in on what happened to my maker.   Pam growled as she released Sookie. Im here to take you to Bills house.  From the looks of it, you were already on your way, so this will be easier than I thought.

When they reached Bill’s house, he was standing outside on the porch.

I knew youd come.  The words came out of Bill’s mouth as if he’d felt her earlier intentions.  Without preamble, she opened her mouth to tell him what she thought of his lying, manipulative, self-serving, cruel ass, but before she could she saw HIM.

He was standing behind Bill leaning against in the doorway.  Eric.  Her Eric.  He was here and he was healed.

How?  When?  How? 

She took a step forward, but he was beside her in a blur pushing Bill aside on his way.  He pulled her close and rested his cheek on her head.

There is a cure.  It stays in the blood of anyone who takes it.  Once I was healed, I returned.  From our last interactions, I thought you would want to know.  When we arrived, I found Bill infected and dying so I healed him.  I knew you would not want that for him.  He looked down at her.  I see that I was right.  He said as he finally took in her appearance, jealousy seeping through.

The look on his face was one of great loss for an instant before he could cover it again.  He turned to Pam, We have no further business here.  Returning his gaze to Sookie and releasing her hands, he quietly growled, Good luck, Miss Stackhouse.  I hope you find your happiness here.  At that he walked away.

WAIT!  They both looked to Pam as it was her voice that spoke.  I cannot believe I am saying this, but it isnt Bill she loves.  In fact, she was on her way here to tell that Southern fucktard off when I found her in the cemetery screaming like a banshee.  Fuck him, I believe were her words, he deserves it’”

Sookeh?  Bill spoke in disbelief.

Eric looked back to her and Sookie could only nod.

My happiness isnt here, Mr. Northman, unless youre here, too.  And yes, he most certainly does deserves to see this. 

She ran to Eric and leapt up into his open and waiting arms, climbing him like a tree while throwing her arms around his neck.  He pulled her close as she wrapped her legs around his waist.  She held on to him firmly as she pressed her forehead to his.

I love you, Eric.  I have so many regrets in my life.  So much guilt for what Ive done and didnt do.  But the one thing Ill never regret is loving you.  I loved you when I had you, I loved you when I lost you and I never stopped loving you even when I thought youd met the True Death.  TWICE!  Im yours. Im sorry I didnt tell you when you needed to hear it.

He looked deeply into her eyes, I love you, Sookie, we are One.  You are not just mine.  We are each others.  There are no more regrets.  Our life begins now.  He moved to kiss her.

Eric, stop!  Im a carrier! she exclaimed, remembering before it was too late.

He smiled at her.  It does not matter.  If my blood is not immune or does not heal yours, I know where I can find the antidote.

He gave a sideways glance at Bill arching his eyebrow daring him to refuse.  Defeated, Bill stepped quietly into the house and closed the door.

Eric turned his full attention back to her with a smirk on his face.  She pressed further into him and they kissed with all the passion they’d felt and had been denied for so long.  All the longing gone, replaced with a fire fueled by desire, love and certainty.  Everything else faded away as he sped them into the woods and lay her down where they first made love.  He leaned down to her ear and purred, Mmmm, lover, how did you know?  I love Honeysuckle. before kissing down her breasts to her most private place reserved only for him.

And they began again…




  1. Awesome! She finally sees the light, and it’s Pam who witnesses it. The irony! Terrific story! Best of luck to you!

      1. Outstanding! You did a superb job! This was my favorite of all the stories! I loved it, and I think I read it at least 5 times! You did such a fabulous job portraying Sookie’s lightbulb moment. I loved it. I could actually envision her in the cemetery doing just what you had written. If this was your first story, I can’t wait to see what else you can dream up! Just stunning!

    1. Thanks msbuffy! I so wanted to figure out a way to put that pic of Eric with the bloody mouth when he healed…but it just didn’t fit. 😉 I actually wrote this before he was healed in the show, so it was a guess. Now I just have to make a site to post it. LOL ~kinnik

      1. You definitely need a WordPress site! There are so many wonderful writers who will help! I’ve only just started to learn a few tricks of WordPress or I’d volunteer, but I have plenty of Eric pics that I would be more than happy to share! 🙂 It’s great that you wrote this so far back! Wonderful guess!

      1. 🙂 It was awesome! Keep writing! You did a great job, and I want to see how much more creativity you can bring us! I’ll even volunteer to beta if you need it!

  2. Love the way Sookie worked her way through her thoughts and that it was Pam who spoke up lol

      1. First attempt? Wow! I’m really shocked, I would never have guessed that was a first attempt, I thought it was from one of our established authors. You have natural talent, keep writing!

    1. Thanks! Couple of people have suggested I get a site to post. I’m working on it, but I have no idea what I’m doing. LOL Thank you for the wonderful and kind words. It’s very encouraging.

  3. Take that Fucktarded Beehl. In his selfishness he wanted Sookie to live with the guilt of infecting him and then the guilt of his death by her hand. I assume he wanted her to never forget him as if it was all good memories. No she’ll remember his cowardice.

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I’m working on putting together a site where I can post it. I really appreciate your comments and I’m very glad you liked it. Be well!

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