Luckily my senses came back to me, and I rushed out of the room and headed for the front door. Obviously, Eric had come unhinged after getting his memories back and was not happy with what he recalled.
“What the hell? Sookie?” I heard him yell from somewhere behind me. I was almost at the front door, ready to make my escape. Once I was far enough away I could break down, and then I would call someone to come and get me. That was if I could stop once I started.
Just as I was about to open the door, it flew open to reveal Pam standing there in a pink twinset and white pants with sky-high pink stilettos looking frustrated.
“You,” Pam said, pointing a finger at me, “Whatever you’re doing, stop over-reacting. And you,” she said, moving her manicured finger to point at Eric, “ask her what the fuck is wrong already! I’ve been feeling this whirlwind of emotions since last night. I thought all was peachy-keen when I went to my day rest, but no, I rise to feel all this bullshit! You’re both upset,” she said as she gripped my arm and started to pull me into the living room. Once she had dragged me in front of the couch, Pam stood, tapping her foot while she waited for me to sit down.
I stole a quick glance at Eric and saw that he had calmed down. Pam pointed to the chair next to the couch where I was sitting before huffing out irritatedly. “Now fucking talk already! I guess I will be at the bar even though it was my night off,” She started to stalk away, but turned around at the precipice of where we’d no longer be able to see her and pointed at us once again.
“You both owe me. I had a date with a pretty little Asian girl tonight,” she said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and sauntered out of the house.
I sat there in shock staring at the spot where Pam had just been until I heard Eric clearing his throat. Knowing that he didn’t need to ever clear his throat, I assumed it was to finally get my attention. I slowly turned my head to briefly glance at his stoic face before setting to stare at the floor below me.
“Sookie,” Eric said as his long index finger slid under my chin tilting my head back until our eyes met. His eyes studied my features before he dropped his finger and then sat back in his chair while he began to speak once again. “I know yesterday was very trying and much to take in, but what I don’t understand is your reaction you had when you first saw me tonight.”
Now it was my turn to skim over his features hoping that I could somehow discern his thoughts or emotions, but his face held no clues. I knew I had a good poker face after years of hearing thoughts, and even if I couldn’t read what someone was thinking, I had grown pretty good at reading body language and facial expressions, but vampires had an advantage of hundreds or more years to perfect theirs, and in this one instance, I wished I could read what Eric was thinking. I hadn’t imagined the look on his face when he sat down next to me earlier, had I? I knew I certainly hadn’t imagined his outrage in my bedroom – it had been undeniable.
I knew that this would be the turning point in our relationship. If we still had one. Either I opened myself up to Eric and told him what my thoughts had been since I woke up and saw him for the first time tonight, or I could run away and most likely damage whatever relationship we had. Squaring my shoulders, my eyes found his and I decided it was worth the risk. Eric Northman was worth baring my soul to, more than I ever had with anyone.
“Last night, after we first arrived here, I felt as if you didn’t want me here with the way you were acting,” I started, but had to stop when Eric’s mouth began to open. I held up my hand hoping he’d abide by my wishes. He closed his mouth and looked at me as if he was trying to compel me to continue, even though he was the one who had tried to interrupt. “That was how I felt at the time, but now I understand why you behaved as you did. I can’t imagine what it must be like to unexpectedly have these memories you’ve wanted for so long to return and finally surface.”
Eric nodded and kept his eyes trained on me.
“You even comforted me last night,” I softly said as a small smile began to spread across my face. “When I woke up this afternoon, I started thinking about yesterday and your revelation last night. I’d never seen you so… I don’t know the right word even to describe how you looked. Despondent, I guess.” Taking a deep breath, I continued. “All I could think was now that you have your memories of our time together, you’d want nothing to do with me, and it felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest with just the thought. It made me finally realize that I love you. You, Eric Northman, the one-thousand-year-old vampire, Sheriff of Area Five, and I don’t want to lose you,” I confessed while I looked anywhere but at Eric. I didn’t want to see his looks of pity or rejection after my proclamation.
After a few minutes of silence had passed Eric asked, “Won’t you look at me?”
Shaking my head, I finally settled my eyes on his pale, long, bare feet. Never before had anyone’s feet struck me as attractive, but even Eric’s feet were gorgeous. What was wrong with me? I had just told Eric Northman that I loved him, and now I was thinking about his feet and how I’d like to lick them!
I shook my head once more to get it back in the here and now, and not the sexiness…attractiveness…deliciousness…Sunday dessert-esqueness that were all things Eric… Let me tell you that was no small feat. It was almost impossible not to notice how strikingly good looking he was whenever I looked at him and not jump his bones!
I watched as those sexy bare feet flexed and took two steps toward me, and stopped right in front of me. Eric’s legs bent until he was on his knees before me and dipped his head to make eye contact.
“Sookie, don’t hide from me. I’d like the chance to try and explain myself if you’re finished. First, I’d like to know what caused you to get so upset tonight when I sat down beside you.”
Lifting my head because it couldn’t be comfortable for Eric to be arching his body in such a way simply to have me look at him, I took a few deep breaths to steel my nerves, hoping that we would not have a replay of tonight’s earlier events.
“When you sat down, and I looked up into your face, you had on your normal, stoically bored expression that you wear at Fangtasia, but your mouth was set in a tight, fine line that expressed to me that you were unhappy. When I saw those two things combined, it struck me straight to the heart that you weren’t happy about what you had remembered last night. I thought I had lost you,” she whispered.
Hating what I felt, heard, and saw, it pained me to know that I was the cause of any of Sookie’s heartache. I wiped the tears as they spilled down her cheeks and frowned. Sookie gasped in surprise while she watched me slowly wipe them away.
“I did not mean for my facial expressions to cause you worry, dear Sookie. I was unaware I was doing so. If I had known, there was any possibility that you’d have mistaken my actions as such…”
How could I explain to her what was going through my mind at that moment when I didn’t even understand my thoughts or emotions?
“What were you thinking and feeling that caused you to look like that when you came in here?” she asked quietly, anxiously. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she read my mind.
Standing from my kneeling position, I moved to sit on the couch next to Sookie. I knew when I asked Sookie to date me (I mentally rolled my eyes at the notion, but I knew it was what she’d like and want.) that I’d have to open myself up to her. She had told me of our talks when I was that other Eric, and now I remembered. I remember feeling how happy it had made her when she thought back to that time. Knowing and doing are two very different things, and now I was supposed to talk about my feelings with her, something I had never done with anyone.
How did this woman next to me make me want to change my ways after a millennia of being a vampire? Hell, even when I was human men didn’t discuss such things! It made you look weak.
But never before had there been a Sookie Stackhouse in my life.
Turning, I moved until our legs were touching only the barest amount and I could see the worried yet hopeful expression she wore. I had blocked our tie once I felt her heartache and saw her tears. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to continue if I kept it open.
“When I came out here and saw you sitting here on my couch, reading and looking comfortable, I knew we needed to talk about last night, about my memories returning. Except…”
“Except what, Eric?” She asked her words trembling and tears in her eyes.
“Except I don’t know how I’m feeling or what to think. I’m still trying to process that week with you. Then the next thing I knew, you got upset and wanted to leave, and I knew if you left it would cause incomprehensible damage to this new stage in our relationship and even the old one.”
Taking one of her hands that she was twisting and turning in her lap, I clasped it within my own. Feeling her tiny, warm hand in my own reminded me of how much I enjoyed this new feeling and what I could lose if I didn’t let her in. “I apologize for scaring you, Sookie. Please know that I would never hurt you. I’ve promised to protect you from harm, and so far I’m doing a shit job of it and can only strive to do better. I was only mad at myself for somehow causing you to be upset and you wanting to get as far away from me as possible.
“I know you want more answers than I can give you right now, but I need you to give me a little more time. What I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, is that I have never been happier in all my existence than when I spent that week without my memories, talking to you in front of your fireplace, you protecting me and I you, and having you share your life and bed with me. Not only do I remember how I felt, but I remember what I felt from you even if I didn’t understand it at the time.
“I believe you gave all of yourself to me, and I did the same. I’ve never seen you smile as you did then or felt you as happy. I also felt the sorrow of you giving up your Eric on that last night. I will never be able to express what your selfless actions mean to me, knowing how much it hurt you. I can tell you that as I lay under the floor of your spare bedroom that my only wish was to remember our time together, and for you to still want me as the man I was before I lost my memories.
“I am truly sorry that I didn’t remember. It was all a part of the curse, and I will never be able to make up for the way I treated you afterward. I only wanted to know why my feelings for you had grown exponentially in what seemed the blink of an eye for me, and what had caused your sense of sorrow. I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me. Those are the only words I can give you tonight, and if they are not enough, I will understand.”
Throughout most of my speech, Sookie had been crying, but now she looked up at me with a mixture of aggravation and hope. I wasn’t sure how that even was possible. She began to open her mouth, but I wanted her to understand.
“I will understand if it is not enough, but I will not be happy about it. I don’t want my words or actions tonight to hurt you, and I would be saddened to lose you, the only woman who I’ve ever deeply cared for in all of my existence.”
With trembling hands and a watery smile, Sookie cupped my face with her warm, petite hands, shocking me to my very core.
“Those words were plenty,” she hiccuped, tracing her thumbs across my cheeks. “They are more than I thought I’d ever receive from you. I can give you time to process whatever you’re feeling just please don’t shut me out while you do. I’m so used to reading everyone’s minds and body language, and with you, I can’t do that. It makes me think you’re unhappy or mad at me,” she confessed.
Obviously, my earlier actions were still affecting her. I’d need to try to be more aware of my body language and facial expressions around her. Could I forget a millennia of habits when I was in Sookie’s company? I wasn’t sure, but I’d try to show her what I was feeling when I felt I needed to and tonight was one of those times.
It occurred to me that I would need to teach her more about the supernatural world. Sookie needed to understand that any vampire worth their years knew how to hide their emotions. It was a means to our survival. We could never allow anyone to know that we were overcome with lust or if we wanted to kill the person next to us. Obviously, Bill was quite easy to read, and I was left paying for his baby vampire ways.
Pulling Sookie to my side, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders before placing a kiss on the top her head. I closed my eyes, took in her scent as discretely as possible, and held in her perfume as I savored her unique scent, getting my Sookie fix before I answered her.
I also had to determine just what the ‘other’ in Sookie could be. I had a feeling she’d have no idea if I were to ask, but that was for another time.
Placing one last kiss atop her head, I stopped my musings and rested my chin there.
“Thank you for being patient with me, and as the human saying goes, I will not leave you hanging for long.”
Hearing Sookie laugh, which had been my intent, brought a smile to my face. When she wasn’t fighting with me or her feelings for me, she was easy to get along with. She and Pam were the only ones who could cause me to smile. The two of them, and of course, a good battle.
“What I’m feeling now, or should I say ever since I rose that night in your spare room, are feelings that I am unaccustomed to experiencing. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way.” She tried to turn around, but I held her in place. Instead, she turned and arched her neck until she could get a better look at me. “I don’t want you to think I dislike these feelings. That’s not it. I’m only trying to understand them and what they will mean to my life and yours,” I confessed.
This time when she tried to break free from my hold, I loosened my arms until she faced me, almost sitting in my lap.
“You really don’t hate what you’re feeling?” she asked with a look of shock on her face.
“No, well, it’s hard to explain, especially since I don’t quite know what I’m feeling.” Seeing her frown, I felt compelled to explain further. “My feelings for you were already quite intense. I already told you that fateful night at your house that I had strong feelings for you, and that wasn’t a lie. Even then I was worried about what could happen to you if word got out about how important you were to me, and now it will only be harder not to show my feelings for you around others. They will already know there is something special about you for you to be by my side and for me to have given you my blood.” I said, smiling down at her.
“What?!” She coughed out, looking worried.
“Sookie,” I cooed, running my fingertips across her cheekbone. “I’ve given you my blood on more than a few occasions, and we’ve exchanged twice now. Only one more time and we’ll…” My words stopped dead in my throat when her face paled.
“Why do I have a feeling that the third time’s the charm?” She whispered, shaking her head.
“Yes. Three is the magical number to many supernaturals, vampires included. Three days in the ground, three blood exchanges, and by binding oneself to another by being thrice bonded, pledged, and then making your bonded and pledged your childe; the maker and childe will share their vampire gifts. All vampires have a gift no matter how mundane it may be. I believe Compton’s is to bore others to death,” I explained with a chuckle until I saw the lost look on her face.
“Still, I suspect that Bill never explained to you everything about our blood. Did you and he ever drink from each other at the same time?” I asked just as quietly as she had spoken. I knew she hadn’t formed a permanent bond with Compton, but I wasn’t sure how I’d feel if I found out they were as close to bonding as we were. Did I want to bond with Sookie? Tie myself to her for the rest of her days?
Why had Bill left her without critical knowledge that she needed to have? He brought her existence into the supernatural community totally unprepared in any way whatsoever. Someday I was going to finally end that kukhuvud.
Shaking her head frantically, I cradled her face in my hands hoping that if I stopped her from freaking out outwardly, it might stop whatever was happening inside her head.
“I never took blood from Bill unless I was hurt and he… he… you know, took blood when we had sex,” she spoke so quietly that I wouldn’t have heard her if she wasn’t mere inches away from me. Needless to say, the growl that built in my chest and finally escaped could have been heard next door if not further.
If I wanted to continue talking to Sookie, I could not think of them together. To be jealous of Bill fucking Compton was absurd. He had nothing on me. I had the looks, the power, the money, and her love, but unfortunately for me, he was her first; first love, and the one she gave her maidenhead to under false pretenses.
“Hey,” she said with a tone letting me know she understood why I was upset. My growl retreated until it was contained to only a rumble. “I’m here with you right now, and I don’t want to be anywhere else. Will you tell me what happens if we exchange three times?” She asked with a small smile, probably happy with herself for having calmed me.
“If a vampire and human exchange blood three times they become permanently bonded. Nothing can break that bond. It means you belong to one another and no one else. It is very rare for a vampire to give oneself to a human in that way. We…”
“Why?” She asked inquisitively.
“I will explain although I fear that what you learn may overwhelm you, but you should know what would happen if we were to exchange. I don’t want you in the dark.”
“Thank you, and I can see that you mean it,” her smile spread until she was beaming up at me. If she didn’t stop, I was going to spread her out on the couch and ravage her body.
I looked at the book she had been reading to take my eyes off her, wondering if she had any inkling that I had written it about my human days.
“I’ll always tell you the truth. I may not tell you everything I know, but what I tell you… will be the truth. If I cannot tell you something, I will let you know why. This I promise you, my Sookie.” Keeping my eyes on hers, I took an unneeded breath and then exhaled slowly. “If we exchange blood once more, you and I will become permanently bonded. You know that once a vampire has a human’s blood, the vampire can feel their emotions, right?” She nodded, staring at me wide-eyed. “You will also be able to feel whatever emotion I have and be able to locate me. No one would be able to take your blood without my permission or ask for your services. It would also make us married in the vampire world.”
“Married?!” She sputtered out, her body going rigid.
I nodded my head before continuing. “Being bonded is to be considered married in a private ceremony, but to be pledged and bonded is a public ceremony where two beings bind their souls together for eternity. It is a very elaborate ceremony that is quite rare in the supernatural community. I have only been witness to one in all my existence.”
“Really?” she asked in awe. It seemed she had already forgotten that if we were to share blood once more, we would be married.
Nodding, I continued, “Yes, it was around three hundred years ago when I was in Rome. I only know of a handful of vampires who have bonded and pledged to a human. It should only be done in a love match and, as you know, it’s not easy for vampires to open up to anyone, let alone a human, and then allow themselves to love that human,” I explained, wondering if we would ever be pledged. Would Sookie choose to be with me forever? Would I ever love her and bind myself to her with the knowledge that she would one day die in the next few decades?
“Why are you telling me all of this?” She asked both scared and hopeful.
“I wanted you to know what it truly meant if you were to become involved with a vampire, me. I’m still processing what these feelings mean, and I don’t want to promise you anything before I’m one hundred percent sure and get your hopes up, but if what I’ve described to you sounds abhorrent, then it’s good to know now then later on down the line.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “None of what you explained sounds bad. Do I want to bond with you or pledge myself to you, I don’t know? Just like I can tell that you don’t know, but it must have crossed your mind for you to mention it,” she said, giving me a knowing look.
I nodded, letting Sookie know her assumption was correct. I had thought of bonding with her before. I couldn’t deny that I wanted her as mine, but now I found I needed to have a firm handle on what my feelings were presently. Sookie and I both deserved to know. If we were to bond, I wanted it to be with honest feelings about each other. For all I knew, I wouldn’t be able to block my feelings from her or worse yet, she’d be able to block hers from me. The only thing I knew in that moment was that I wanted, to be honest with Sookie, and I never again wanted to give her a reason to distrust me.
“So, I have a question for you,” she stated nervously but with a smile.
“I would be surprised if you didn’t. I will do my best to answer whatever you ask of me,” I answered back. Truly, I had given her quite a bit to digest that night.
“Good,” she said before rolling her lips together and looking around the room. “Where did you see me and you going in this relationship before you your memories were returned?”
“Honestly, I wanted you to be mine. I was hoping it wouldn’t take you long to want to be mine, but I was willing, am willing, to take this relationship as slowly as you want. That you’d see your worth and quit working for the shifter. Maybe go to school and get your degree. Let me take care of you.”
With each word I could see Sookie’s irritation rise, but she asked, and I wanted to be honest.
“And now?” she asked, moving further away from me.
“What do I see for us now?” I asked, feeling my eyebrow raise wondering if she wanted to know the truth. With a nod from her, I decided to lay it all on the line. Better to know now, right?
“Now I still want all those things, and I also want what we had those days I stayed with you, but I want them every night. I want to take care of you and for you to care for me. I want to share my nights with you; I want for you to share what happened during your day with me, and for me to do the same. I want you to be mine and for me to be yours,” I purged my feelings in one blow before taking her tiny hand in mine and placing a kiss on her knuckles, waiting for her response.
“That… That sounds a lot like marriage… what you want if you love someone,” she whispered with tears once again in her eyes.
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure about the love part, but I did know it was as close to love as I’d ever known. “It’s what I want and to never see you cry again. I hate it when you cry. I only want to see your beautiful smile on your face.
“Eric!” she gasped. A tear slid down her cheek. Her eyes darted to my lips, and then back to look me in the eyes before once again landing on my mouth. This time, they stayed there, but only for a moment before she leaned over until her soft, warm pouty lips skimmed mine.
Before I met Sookie I had not kissed anyone in centuries. I had no need nor wanted to do so, but every time I was in the same room as Sookie I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Okay, I wanted more, now more than ever since I could remember what it was like to have her body writhing underneath mine. How perfectly we fit each other. But I had never felt the need, the desire to have my lips on another. I wanted to meld my lips to hers until she needed to break away to breathe to then trail them down her neck to her collarbone, and then to make their way to her plentiful chest before moving down her body until I had kissed and licked every square inch of her.
Gripping Sookie by her hips, I settled her to straddle my legs as my lips moved against hers and our tongues moved in a dance that made each moment feel better than the next. When her fingers wove into my hair, my tongue dipped deeper, tasting her sweet mouth until she groaned and started to grind against my now throbbing cock.
I knew I needed to pull back if Sookie wasn’t ready for more. I was warring with myself on whether I should continue kissing Sookie and let her grind herself to release or if should go to Fangtasia and let Pam have the rest of the night off. I had plenty to take care of after missing last night and tonight with the bar and the Summit coming up. I’d soon need to start making inquiries as to the location of the Tiger, his motives for Sookie, my Queen, and why he would have hired a couple of Weres to destroy her house and frighten her.
Sookie made the decision for me when her mouth broke away, and she began nipping up my neck until she made her way to my ear. Feeling her hot breath and tongue was all I needed before I laid her down and my lips went to work.
Did you catch the line from Dead and Gone?
This chapter took me longer than I thought it would since I had to come up with something else that would be important to vampires and I was stumped. So yes it is made up, but that’s okay since this is fanfiction.