I miss her.
I have missed her a lot lately.
This damn takeover has gotten in the way of what I hold dearest to my heart. I knew once I had gotten my memories back that I was fucked but at least NOW I understood what I had been feeling for so many months.
I am totally and completely in LOVE with Sookie Stackhouse.
Her smell, her touch, her smile were just the tip of the iceberg with me whether it was from before the takeover or now where I get lost in my thoughts while thinking about her. But the warmth that spreads through me when I look into her eyes was enough for my dead heart to thaw out and become alive. I could swear I could even feel it beating in my dead chest.
I never knew a love like this; I never want to be without her or it again.
But of course, every time I tried to get to her, I was stopped by Victor.
Victor mentioned her often in our meetings, whether it be when we were alone or with other vampires of his retinue; it did not matter the time or place, he wanted to see if he could get a rise out of my anger, but I kept it in check, and I let him continue to ask me when my pet would be visiting.
Him continuing to ask about her was one of the reasons why I did not ask her to come to me OR me go to her. I did not want him around her in any capacity; sampling her sweet scent that she left upon my skin or in her direct presence. That I could not allow, call me high handed, it did not matter to me what name she would give it, I did not and could not allow him near her.
I knew what he was after but I couldn’t allow it, he wanted to make Sookie HIS or at the very least de Castro’s.
However, it was when he insisted she attend one of our meetings that I knew I had to act upon my instincts to protect her. So I did the most high-handed thing yet; I sent her a ceremonial dagger so that we could pledge to be vampire/man and wife. I was hoping she would do the right thing and be cordial about it while in the presence of Victor; we could discuss it all later that night, I would even allow her to scream at me if she wanted to for being a high handed jerk.
In some ways I knew I would deserve her backlash of anger for my deceit in not telling her ahead of time what the dagger truly meant. Although, I also knew she could act the part of being the dutiful pet, which I was hoping she would be, nevertheless, I didn’t know how she would respond to the knowledge of what it truly meant when she found out the true meaning of a vampire pledging.
I was hoping to get through this pledging quickly but of course Victor wouldn’t have that. NO, he had to act upon it and by going after my bonded as the dagger was kissed by my lips. When he proceeded to sink his fangs into her neck I did the only thing I could think of; I ended Victor then and there. I would have used the pledging dagger, as a symbol of our love, but it wasn’t silver so it would have been no help.
What helped was the quick thinking of My Sookie. She used the dagger to defend herself against Victor and plunged it into his neck while screaming at the top of her lungs. The high pitched scream of my human brought forth numerous vampires from my area and Victor’s entourage. They vamped into my office quicker than I have ever seen before.
They witnessed Victor, in all his glory, with his teeth sunk in my bonded’s neck before I smashed his face with my fists to get him off of her. I then quickly retrieved my sword from the back wall and beheaded him.
It was a blood offense and I was entitled to give him the True Death, but I would have to explain to the king what had happened and quickly so there were no repercussions.
The Nevada vampires agreed that it was my right to end Victor so they stayed in my office with me as I called de Castro. The Area 5 vamps,-Pam, Thalia, Felicia and Indria, – helped Sookie out of my office to get her cleaned up. Her blood’s sweet smell was going to cause an orgy amongst the remaining vampires in the bar if her bleeding did not stop soon. I could see the nostrils flaring in my office by the scent she left behind; I did not need it out in the open bar.
It was Pam that had healed her neck for me as I was still succumbing to my own bloodlust. While the others staged themselves along the hallway as her personal guards, they all made me every proud to be their sheriff.
I did not want to hurt my wife/mate/lover so I left it in their capable hands to do what was best.
Plus I needed her out of my office in case things did not go well from my phone call and discussion with de Castro.
Pam was a godsend to both me and Sookie during this hour of need. She shooed all other vampires away who were not needed for Sookie’s personal protection while she personally cleaned Sookie up and got her into a new Fangtasia shirt to wear since hers was a mess and it needed to be burned.
I am still trying to figure out how Pam was unaffected by the fairy smell emitted by Sookie, she must not have been breathing in her sweet smell of sunshine and honey. But then it dawned on me she tasted her blood as she healed her neck wound inflicted by Victor; it proved to me that my child had great control when it came to her telepathic friend.
I found them in the employee lounge sitting side by side holding hands and Sookie rocking a bit in her chair. The holding hands part I could handle since my child and wife were becoming closer as friends, but the rocking was making me nauseous. The best description I could come up with while watching her was when a gorilla rocks back and forth from being in a small cage and becomes depressed, so they rock.
However, Sookie’s rocking was starting to pick up so I didn’t know if she knew I was in the room or not. Pam appeared to be in downtime so I announced myself at the door. Sookie bolted out of her chair and nearly bowled me over by the force of her assault on me. But her hug was all that mattered.
She was nervous about what would happen to me, to us; her emotions were all over the place. After a long hug, I tilted her face up to mine and kissed her on the lips. I was sealing the deal as far as I was concerned; we were now pledged and it was now complete in the eyes of vampire law.
I now had time to explain it to Sookie before de Castro arrived tomorrow night to speak with the vampires in my area and the Nevada vamps that had witnessed the blood offense.
I asked Pam to close the bar down so we could go home. She did it quickly and asked if she was needed for anything else, I told her to let everyone know the bar would be closed again tomorrow and they needed to be back at 10 pm.
She made the appropriate calls and placed a closed sign at the door.
I asked Sookie to come with me to my home. She looked shocked but nodded okay. When we got outside, we had a new dilemma. We had two cars. I knew we could leave hers behind but I also knew that if she wanted or needed to leave tomorrow during the day she needed a car to drive.
I had extras at the house but I did not know if she would be comfortable in using one….YET…. but that was a subject for another day. I told her to follow me in her Malibu and I would drive slow enough for her to keep up.
What usually takes me 10 minutes took us 20 since I was driving at a normal rate of speed.
I pulled into the garage and I had Sookie park in the spot next to mine. As she got out of her car she started to look around and if I could guess at the emotion I was feeling from her it was AWE.
A smile ghosted upon my face because I think my little one was approving of OUR home.
I invited her into the house and asked her if she wanted something to drink. See I had manners too, but I was never given the opportunity to use them, correctly.
She asked for water, which I did have, so I poured her a glass.
I lead her to the living room and had her sit in the armchair as I sat on the couch. She asked to move next to me and I did not want to deny her, but what she did next shocked me.
She curled her body into mine and hugged my torso tightly.
I guess she was still nervous about what had happened with Victor, about my talk to de Castro and the fact that we still needed to talk about my memories returning and finally what had transpired over the past few months since the takeover. However, the big elephant in the room was how much I was in love with her.
I held her tight for a few minutes before asking her if we could talk. She looked up at me with her sad eyes and nodded her head yes.
I cupped her face and rubbed my thumb across her cheek. Gods I loved this woman. I would pray to any god that would listen to me if this talk goes the way I had hoped it would. Yet before I started to speak she put some distance between us.
I smiled at her and spoke to her gently, “Sookie we need to discuss many things tonight and I hope you will listen to me and think about what I have to say before jumping down my throat, as you call it, and yelling at me. What I have to tell you had me doing some high-handed things tonight for your protection and I know before you even say it, it was indeed high-handed. But for your protection as well as my own I found it justified to proceed as I did. Please understand and think about everything I have to say before you scream at me.”
She looked up at me a little more timid than I could have imagined and said, “Okay”.
I didn’t know where to start so I figured at the beginning more or less.
“Lover”…- she had a small blush start up her neck, I loved it, she must of liked her pet name, I will file that away for later so that I use it often-…. “I am unsure where to start so let’s start at the beginning of what I have to say to you. I have had feelings for you since the day I laid eyes on you. I fought those feelings, tooth and nail so to speak, but they were there none the less. It was in Dallas that I realized they had morphed into something much stronger than what I would acknowledge. By Jackson and healing you at Russell’s I knew to my very core it was love. Needless to say I fought it even harder since you were still with Compton. Then I lost my memories, I think that is when my very soul must have reacted to those feelings and I couldn’t hold back from you any longer and you became my lover and mate in every sense of the word. Even though I could not remember you or myself, it did not stop my subconscious from grabbing ahold of what my heart truly desired. It was YOU and it will always be YOU.”
“Eric, please I know we need to talk about this and we will but it is making me nervous to what will come next and I am afraid that it will be you leaving me for good.”
I know I didn’t need to sigh but damn if I didn’t. She is even more hard headed than me.
“Lover, I will never leave you, ever again. You are stuck with me whether you acknowledge me or not as your true mate. Please let me finish and then you can ask me whatever you want and I will answer truthfully and to the best of my ability to answer honestly.”
She nodded her head and smiled up at me. It was a beautiful but timid smile; it is what egged me on to continue.
“I desired you like no other and I think it was because of this desire that I hurt your feelings more than once and for that I am very sorry. I never meant to hurt you, however, after you were forced to tell me about our time together I still did not believe you. I had thought you had kept something from me and then you started dating Quinn. I know you were trying to move on but I didn’t like it. I would have much preferred to see you with the Wolf. And then all hell broke loose, Bill’s lies revealed, the summit, the queen’s death and then the takeover. The takeover is my biggest regret. If I had thought about it more I should have been by the queen’s side and prevented her death. I could have helped the Bert’s, without Andre,”…-I saw her flinch, she knew something about his death, I was sure of it now-… “they were nothing but guards and a deterrent to the queen’s strength, because upon their death she would weaken more and not be able to protect herself. Her death I take full blame for, as I should have known there were sharks at the proverbial door circling and waiting to attack. But I wanted to be as near to you as possible, I needed to protect you from Compton and at the time I believed I needed to protect you from yourself, but all I did was push you further away. I never explained to you what the BOND truly meant, I had hoped to avoid that conversation; however, it was Pam that had told me that if I truly wanted you in my life I needed to tell you everything and be truthful. I thought I had waited too long to speak with you until the takeover occurred and it is when I gained my memories back. It was when you replied with an answer like you did, I was wounded to my very core and I had thought I had lost you for good. You were my weakness but at the same time my biggest strength. I needed you more than ever but I avoided you to protect you. Victor was asking too many questions about you and your family and I was afraid for you and what he might do. He knew we were bonded but he could not understand how Eric the Northman would keep a human pet. Before you say it, you are not a kept woman and never will be, you were never going to be my pet, nor will you ever be. As of tonight you are now known as my vampire wife.”
That got a reaction; a scowl, a gasp and a punch in the shoulder. But she was keeping quiet. I could see her wheels turning and I was waiting for her to lash out at me, but she didn’t, she was keeping to her promise of being quiet. But I knew I was in for it when I was done speaking.
“Sookie, I see your wheels turning in there and I can feel your emotions, so let me now talk about our bond and pledging. We exchanged blood at the same time three times which makes us blood bonded unlike what you had with Bill which was a blood tie. He could feel your emotions and command his blood in you to make you feel things stronger than you wanted and he could send you dreams laced with emotions like fear, lust, etc… With the blood bond, we can both feel each other’s emotions and I believe I could influence your blood, however I am not the type of vampire that does that since I compare it to a form of rape. I want you to love me for me, not because I force it upon you; which is what I believe Compton did do. I can also send you dreams but I won’t, I want you to dream of me because you want to, not force you to dream of me or love me. We both can mute the bond to an extent so that we cannot feel the other, normally a human cannot mute their side of the bond but I believe with your FAE blood and the walls you use for your telepathy you will be able to mute my emotions if needed as well as your own. Since you have FAE blood I think I could not command you like I do my child but I believe I can call you with my blood so that you will know I need you. But I will only ever try to do this if you agree to it. This leads me to the next bit of information. But before I go on, do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good. Is it okay if I sit closer to you? I feel more grounded and safe.”
“Of course little one. You can sit on my lap if you want. I want you comfortable.”
She moved to touch my legs with her leg, but no closer, she did pick up my hand and laced our fingers together. I think it was just as comforting to me as it was for her.
“Little One, your Fae blood. You have stated numerous times, I was only attracted to you because of your blood. Your blood is delicious, sweet to smell and taste, but it is you, your warmth, your fire, your ability to love, your ability to forgive and your huge heart that attracts me to you, NOT YOUR FAE BLOOD…your caring nature towards my child, your love for her, your touch, your gentleness, your eyes, your mouth, ‘the girls’ and hopefully your willingness to finally be MINE, as I am already YOURS… I.LOVE.YOU…. I was attracted to you the moment I laid eyes on you and my feelings had occurred before I even tasted your blood. Your smell reminds of the outdoors, my very own sun; you smell of honey and sunshine and if I could bottle it up and have it on hand when you are not near, I would. What I am trying to say is you are what matters, not your blood. Which leads me to US as a couple; I want to be with you forever and I mean forever. I have been as monogamous as I can be while we have been separated. When forced to feed on a donor I have, but it was not willingly. I told Pam months ago that I felt like I was cheating on you when I tried to partake of donors on my own. I love you and I didn’t want to mess things up between us even though you have been with Quinn until recently. I have been trying so hard to be the man you want me to be and I know that I will screw up many more times but I hope you will forgive me and love me like you did when I had amnesia and maybe even the way you use to love Bill. I am a better man than Bill and I will prove that to you every day of our lives together. If you choose us, I will live wherever you want to live, Bon Temps, Shreveport, or we can leave and travel the world. I just know that I want to be with you …. You are my life, my mate, lover, friend, wife and bonded. Which leads me to today, we were pledged by a ceremonial knife to be vampire husband and wife. I know it was high-handed of me and I can see your scowl but I did it to protect you. Victor had asked you to our meeting and I believe he was going to take you from me, however, I was one step ahead with the knife and I think that is what made him snap and go after you. It is also what helped his area vamps to side with me when I called de Castro; when he sank his fangs into you as my bonded it was a blood offense but when he sank his fangs into my pledged, it was a true death offense. Our pledging means that we are husband and wife in the vampire world and to me it means we are ONE. But more importantly it means you are my everything, I will want or have no other. But if somewhere down the line you do not want me, I will find a way to release you from our pledge. If vampire/human marriage was legal in Louisiana I would wed you by the human laws too. ”
She was staring at me intently and it was starting to unnerve me. I needed her to say something. I know I asked her not to speak but this wasn’t normal for Sookie. Something was wrong.
“Sookie, are you okay? Do you need a couple minutes before I continue?”
“No I am good, please keep going, I’m just trying to take it all in, there is a lot you are saying. A lot I already knew or suspected but I am glad you are talking to me openly and I don’t want you to stop.”
Again I sighed, this woman before me frustrates me like no other but watching her take it all in with a calm demeanor is starting to rattle me. I am waiting for the viper in her to strike me down when I say something she doesn’t like or she gets too overwhelmed; but I can tell by her blood she is doing okay.
I have a surprise for her tonight if the rest of the evening goes well. But I will gauge her reaction to everything before I try to give it to her.
“Min kara, I know that we have a lot to still go over and I will try to cover as much as I can, if not all of it. I hope I get to everything but in case I forget something here tonight I hope you will let me talk to you like this again, I believe it is something true mates do, to communicate. I do not want to keep any secrets from you. I will never lie to you, which our bond will not allow me to do, however I may not always tell you everything so that you are not hurt by my actions or words. I will protect you with my dying breathe. Your family and friends, including the manimals, will be allowed, no let me rephrase that, welcomed into our lives. I will acknowledge them as an importance in your life and I will not begrudge them for being in it. I will be as friendly as I can be to them but if we are in the presence of other vampires, I will need to act like the vampire sheriff I am. But when we are just us or with them, I will act as a human husband would. I will not begrudge them a friendly hug or a chaste kiss and I will try not to growl at them for doing it.”
At that I felt the laughter in her blood. It was a refreshing feeling from how tense they had been.
“However, and this is the part you will not like, being husband and wife will mean, what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. You will not be a kept woman by any means but you will be a loved and cherished wife who will occasionally be showered with gifts befitting her. If you choose to continue to work, I will stand behind you, I would love it if you no longer worked for the shifter, as I am sure he will not and does not approve of me. But I will let it slide as long as it does not affect me as sheriff. I would love to take care of you completely so you need for nothing but I feel this will be an ongoing issue for us as you like to do for yourself and believe that you should take care of yourself.”
It was quiet, but I heard it mumbled from her lips, “You got that right buster”.
“Min Kara, I know if your Gran was still here, she would agree with me, if we are a married couple, once married the husband is allowed to take care of his wife and be the bread winner. So please allow me to be this bread winner, don’t fight me on it. I Love You and want to take care of you always. I know that you have simple tastes and I am okay with that. I know that you would never overindulge with my money and I would probably have to force you to spend any of it. But you could never break the bank so to speak when it comes to my wealth, I think Pam has tried many times and she has been unsuccessful…that being said I will give you anything and everything you may have ever dreamed of having or nothing at all if that is what you ask of me. All I want from you in return is your heart… If you choose me and you choose for us to live in Bon Temps, you will need to allow me to expand on the hidey hole or make the house or our living quarters light tight. I need to be secure and I will have to install a security system as well. Please allow for me to do this even if you choose for us to live in Shreveport so we may spend time in your ancestral home as well. ”
I could sense her heart was starting to race and I could not figure out what I had said to cause it but I knew if I sent to her calm she would think I was trying to influence her and that was the furthest thing from my mind. All I wanted to do was show her how much she means to me.
So I decided to go on.
“Lover, my memories coming back when they did was not good timing. But I did not think the timing would have ever been good. You hurt me with your words when you found me in your room. I could sense more from you, you were not happy about their return. At the moment they returned it was difficult for me but I knew then as I do now how much I love you and by remembering, it showed me why. The return meant that you loved me too but were afraid to show it and I don’t think I understand the reason behind your fear.”
Again very quietly she spoke, “I was afraid you did not love me anymore. I was scared you would hurt my heart all over again like you did the night you awoke from the spell being lifted, knowing who you were but not what we meant to each other. Like the night after the spell was removed I felt that is was all a bad dream and I was going to continue in the nightmare again, alone. So I pushed you away that night, hoping you would never find out that your words hurt me down to the very core of my heart and I needed to close it off to you so I could carry on. I’m sorry I ran from you after the spell was lifted but I didn’t think you wanted to know what we meant to each other or what you had professed to me. I figured you would go back to your life unaware and I would be fine. I was so wrong.”
I couldn’t help it; I pulled her into my lap and held her tight. Damn this woman was as messed up emotionally as I was. Could we ever find the light at the end of the tunnel? I knew together we would be unstoppable, we were stronger as one unit but we had so much to get through before that could ever happen. I placed her back on the couch beside me and held her hand with our fingers clasped.
“Sookie, I am sorry that I made you scared of me. I should have listened to what my heart was telling me when I rose that night. I knew that something special and wonderful had happened. I could smell you on me but I was leery of why. So I ran too. I was fearful of what might have happened, what I might have said. I apologize for being an asshole about it. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for you to be scared of me. I never meant to make you regret what had happened between us. And before you say you didn’t say regret, I could feel regret in your blood as you spoke. I for one do not regret anything that has ever transpired between us and I hope you don’t either. We have time to build and culture our relationship to make it better and stronger. Please give me the chance to do this with you. I love you. I do not think I could live any longer without you being in my life. The hardest time I have had in my long life is the time we have been apart since the spell was broken. I thought giving into my emotions would be the true death of me but living without you will cause it to come by quicker. That being said, the vampires of Area 5 who have sworn fealty to me will also swear it to you.”
She gasped, and shook her head; I swore she was going to give herself a headache from the shaking.
“Yes Sookie, they will swear it to you. They will protect you as they did tonight. They all know we are bonded and now pledged and will protect you as they would protect me. They care for you because you treat them with respect and treat them as if they were human and not a monster. They respect you and I am sure none of them will have issues with swearing fealty to you as my mate. Respect goes a long way in the vampire world and you my dear have it in droves. I think the Supe community respects you more than you can even imagine. You are a true friend to all of us. We are FATED my dear one, we are meant to be and I could not think of anyone better than you to be fated/bonded to or loved by. We are right in ever way.”
Again faintly, as if wanting to talk but fearful to say it too loud, “I love you too my Viking.”
I wanted to pull her into my arms again and make love to her but I knew I still had more to tell her and I needed to finish so that I could hear what she had to say, I knew she would have much to say and I was hoping it was all good. I knew I could fight to stay awake but I was hoping that we could get through all of this before that was needed. I knew we still had a couple of hours left before sunrise so I wanted to keep moving forward.
So I proceeded.
“Little one, de Castro is going to be an issue for us. He knows that we are bonded and he now knows we are pledged but I have a feeling down the line he will be an issue again. I do not know if we should tell him about your FAE heritage and if that will deter him since you are a FAE princess but we may have to involve Niall if he pressures us further. I will try to contact Niall and see if he will meet with us in the near future so that we can talk and have a plan in place just in case. I was hoping to keep your FAE heritage under raps but I have a feeling it will come out in the end and for that I am sorry. That being said, the phone conversation went well tonight and de Castro will be here tomorrow night to discuss what happened and with the eye witness accounts of Victor’s entourage I believe we will both be in the clear. I would like for you to be there as my wife. Please say you will. If you do not I fear for what the king may do to us both. He is NOT a fair King by any means but I would like to be shown as a united front and maybe he will leave us be. I do not see that happening but at least we are being the better persons and will plan from there.”
“I will go with you, I will go wherever and whenever you ask.”
I smiled down at her, she was being very brave.
“Thank you min kara, that being said I have one more thing to talk about. I want you to think about this one long and hard and I do not want your answer right away so take your time in answering me. I love you and I want you with me for eternity. That being said, one day I would like for you to ask me to turn you, for me to be your bonded maker; to let me love you forever and eternity, for you to be my wife and me to be your husband in every aspect of our lives. I will love you and be with you even if you decide the answer is no because I know at this time you do not want to be a vampire. I will love you until your death. I will stay with you while you are old and gray; through every wrinkle, every sag and droop. I know because of your FAE heritage and the infusion of my blood on a weekly basis we will prolong our lives together, I will love you until our deaths as I will follow shortly after you expire. I will not be able to last without you. You are my life and I will prove to you every day that you allow me to. I.Love.You. I always will.”
As I sat there and watched her, I saw the emotions and wheels turning behind her beautiful blue eyes. I was unsure if she was going to lash out at me or if she was going to play it smart and keep it close to her heart. But I would give her time to answer me or lash out at me. Either way it would get her talking.
It felt like an eternity before she spoke.
“Eric, my Viking, my love… You had me at I.Love.You… as I love you, I have for a very long time and I have fought those feeling since the spell was lifted. I have made many mistakes since then, one being Quinn, but I do not regret making those mistakes. For if I didn’t I would not be here with you now. Those mistakes shaped me and molded me into a stronger person, who I hope you can love forever. I understand why you did what you did tonight. I had a feeling it was due to something like that. I would have loved to have been forewarned about it but like you said with the little time before the summons you were unable to tell me anything. Am I mad? YES. Will I get over being mad at you? YES. Will I hold it against you? NO. I have grown up since everything has happened and I hope the growing was for the better. I would love to culture our relationship. I will move in with you but I prefer Shreveport as my home is not ready for us and it is too close to Bill who is an ongoing problem. Yes, you can fix the farmhouse to make it more secure and no, I will not fight you on the cost or taking care of me. I know what it means to be married and I would love to be married by my human law too but I don’t know when that will occur and when that does happen I would hope you would ask me properly with a bended knee and a ring. However, I have my own question for you before we consummate our pledging, since we are married and all.”
The best blush occurred when she said consummate, my Sookie has surely grown up in her thinking and I was looking forward to pushing my luck at bypassing the sunrise.
“Umm, Eric, even though we will not be married…. By human law…. Umm, can I take your last name legally…. Umm can we do that so that I can be – Sookie Stackhouse Northman? Is there a way to do that?”
I was shocked but happy and I just looked at her and didn’t utter a word, which led to her thinking I was disappointed or mad at her.
“Its okay I don’t have to take your name…. sorry I asked.” I could hear sniffles… NO, NO, NO, no crying please.
I finally came out of my stupor. I had to shake my head, I felt like I was in a haze and with what she just said I had to rectify the situation and quickly.
With that I sped away at vampire speed and was only gone for a minute at the most.
When I came back in she was crying harder and I couldn’t have that.
I dropped to one knee and I took her hands with my right hand and said.
“Little one, I am sorry I scared you when I did not speak. I love you; never forget that and I would be honored if you took my last name. We will contact Mr. Cataliades and get the paperwork started. It will be as if we are married in human law as in vampire. But before we do that I need to ask you, Will You Marry Me?”