I’ve been home for almost a week after being captured, tortured, and raped by Neave and Lochlan. Eric has been coming to see me and gives me his blood every night to help me heal except for tonight. He had to go to Fangtasia. All he told me was he was expecting an important visit from DeCastro. His new king.
So there, I was laying on the couch recovering from my injuries staring at the TV, alone. Thankfully, my injuries were mostly healed from taking so much of Eric’s blood, but the way everyone looks at me (and their thoughts) you wouldn’t think so. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over this when everyone that knows what happened cannot stop thinking about all the possibilities of what the fairies did to me. I can’t get away from their thoughts except for when Eric’s around.
On one hand, it’s nice that Eric’s been around. He’s kept everyone away from me, and been giving me his blood to heal. If it weren’t for his blood, I would be in so much pain and horribly scarred. If I still looked all beaten up, I can’t imagine how bad it would be to be around all the people who’ve come by. However, Eric hasn’t told me yet why he wasn’t the one to save that fateful night and I find it incredibly frustrating. When I asked him while we were at the hospital all he said was ‘You’re killing me, you’re killing me.’ Since then we haven’t spoken about it.
Why didn’t he come for me? Was I wrong on how much he cares for me? Perhaps, he wasn’t being faithful to me. Ugh, I don’t even want to go down that road. I have always thought of Eric as loyal and I thought he was to me but I can’t stop wondering why he wouldn’t answer a simple question. I’m feel better now so he can’t use that as an excuse. Well physically, I’m mostly healed. Emotionally I don’t know if I’ll ever be but I’m a grown woman, and I’m entitled to know the truth.
I heard Amelia get up and go into her bathroom. Maybe I should go back to my room so she doesn’t see me. Every time she sees’ me she thinks the most horrible thoughts about how I looked the first time she saw me after my life altering event and that’s what it was. Life. Altering. I’ll never be the same after that day.
Since she’s such a strong broadcaster, I can’t keep her thoughts out. Amelia may say she doesn’t blame for Tray’s death but I know she does. I can hear her thoughts. She’s trying to be nice so I can heal but when she’s not thinking about Tray being dead then she’s thinking about how I looked when I came home from the hospital.
One day while I was sleeping, Alcide came over to see how I was and talked to Amelia. He told her all he knew about Lochlan and Neave. So now, she imagines what they could have possibly done to me and trying to connect the dots on all the bite marks and knife wounds, I have.
Its’ been too hard to put up my shields and not listen to everyone and it’s only getting worse the longer I’m stuck in this house. Eric and Pam have been the only respite I have gotten although every time I see him, I taste the bitterness. It’s not that I blame Eric but I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t come to my recue and save me from the torture, I had to endure. I can’t help but to think that if something was stopping him, he would just say so. That he would explain to me that it was out of his control or something, but no, nothing. He’s not explaining anything so he has no excuses. Pam has only visited once but she has been running Fangtasia while Eric has been gone so at least she has a good excuse for not being there for me, unlike someone I know. Bill finally came home from the hospital yesterday but he’s still so very weak from the silver poisoning. I guess I won’t be seeing him anytime soon.
Before Amelia can come downstairs, I decide that I’m going to go to my room. I shouldn’t have to hide out in my own house but I am. I need to get some sleep since tomorrow is Tray’s funeral. I know I’ll probably not get very much sleep but I need to try. Every night I have been having nightmares of my time with the fairies, so I hardly get any sleep most nights.
Amelia and I had just gotten back from Tray’s funeral and I felt like I was about to lose my mind. Listening to everyone’s pity for me and their thoughts of my torture. The supernatural community gossips more than anyone else I know. What happens in my life should be private. I wish everyone could control his or her thoughts since I can’t right now.
I’d decided I needed to talk to Amelia. I’d made a few decisions last night when I couldn’t sleep. Decisions that I don’t think are going to make very many people happy, but I feel that I need to get away for a while and do what’s best for me. I need to go somewhere where no one knows me and I can get some peace.
I walked upstairs to Amelia’s room and knocked on her door. I opened the door when I heard her call for me to come in. Amelia was curled up on her bed in the fetal position, still in her funeral clothes. I walked over to her bed and sat beside her.
“I need to talk to you and ask you for a favor,” Amelia opened her eyes and looked up at me. “I know this is a bad time but after this hopefully things will get better for you and me.”
“What do you need Sookie?” Amelia whispered. I hated that I have to ask her for anything while she is mourning but I hope that what I’m about to ask will make things better for the both of us. I had never seen her look so sad. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks stained with tears.
“I’ve been doing some thinking and I need to get away from here for a while. My shields are weak and I can’t keep anyone out. I appreciate that you, Sam, Alcide, and Eric have all been taking care of me, you especially, but I can’t be around your thoughts anymore. So what I’m asking of you is if it’s possible for you to make a potion that will block the blood bond I have with Eric.”
“Why do you want to block it?” She asked me.
“I want to get away from everyone including Eric. I know I can’t hear his thoughts but I’ve been having my own thoughts about him. I don’t want him to be able to find me.”
“What kind of thoughts are you having?” Amelia asked as she sat up in bed and crossed her legs in front of her.
“My biggest thought is why didn’t he save me that night? That just gets me started on other issues. You know I’ve always wondered if the bond was making me feel certain things for Eric or if they are my real feelings.” Amelia nodded her head. “I need to be alone in my body right now and figure some things out and heal. Physically and emotionally.”
“Why don’t you just ask Eric why he didn’t save you?”
“I did. The night of the fairy war. He didn’t answer me. I thought he really cared for me but maybe I’m just being duped again. I’m in a fragile place right now and to have him come here and remind me of all these questions swirling in my head. Can you do this? If you can then I’ll be away from here and maybe then you can also heal some also. I know it’s hard to see me and not think about Tray.”
“I’m sorry Sookie. I don’t mean to and I definitely don’t want to run you out of your own house.”
“You’re not. I need to get away from everything. I need to be around people who don’t know me and aren’t thinking about what the fairies did to me.”
“You know Eric isn’t going to be happy about this, don’t you?”
“True but sometimes I wonder about his intentions and I’m sure he’ll be angrier about the fact I left without his permission than anything else. Right now I don’t really care about how this will affect him; I need to do this for myself.”
“I think I can come up with a potion. I’ll need to make sure I have all the ingredients for it. Let me get up and check. I may need to go out and get some. When do you want this done by?”
“As quick as possible. Do you think you could get it done by this afternoon? I’d like to hit the road before sunset. If you need, anything just let me know and I’ll get it for you while I’m out. I’m going to go to Eric’s house and leave a letter for him.”
“Why not just wait till he wakes up and talk to him?”
“First of all, he won’t let me leave once I tell him what I want to do,” I said to her. “Secondly, if he wakes up and the bond is gone he’ll think I’m dead. He’ll travel here immediately. I want him to know why I am doing this and to not come looking for me.”
“If that’s what you want to do I’ll check and let you know in a little bit. I should be able to do it once I have everything together in under an hour.”
I wrapped my arms around Amelia and hugged her. She’s such a good friend. She really doesn’t have to do this for me. I know that she’s grieving and would rather be doing anything except helping me, run away.
I got up and walked downstairs to my room to write my letter to Eric.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay but I need to get away from everyone and everything for a while. I don’t know where I’m going but please do not try to find me. I need time to heal both emotionally and physically.
I had Amelia create a potion that will block our bond. Please do not threaten or hurt her. I asked her to do this for me. She thought I should stay and talk to you but I have too many thoughts running through my head right now. I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry.
I’m not sure where we are in our relationship or if we have one anymore. As you know, I have always wondered what my true feelings are towards you since the blood bond was created. It always seems like you don’t want to give me the answers to many of the important problems between us. I want to take this time to figure all this out while the bond isn’t affecting me. Maybe you don’t even care that I’m gone but I wanted you to know that I’m alive. I will get in touch with you when I’m ready.
I put the letter in an envelope and marked Eric’s name on the outside. Once I was done getting dressed, I headed back upstairs to Amelia’s room. This time her door was open and she was reading a book. When she noticed me at the door, she looked up.
“We’re in luck. I don’t need anything and it should be done by the time you get back from Shreveport. You should hurry though if you want to get some distance before sunset. I plan to take a trip down to New Orleans for a couple of days to see how my property is doing. I don’t want to be here in case tall, blonde, and deadly comes over on a rampage.”
“I wrote him a letter and told him it was all my idea and to leave you alone. But if you want to go then I won’t stop you.”
“It’s as good of time as any. I really have been meaning to go down there and check on how everything is.”
“Okay. I really should be going so we can both take off when I get back. I’ll see you in a little while. Thank you for doing this for me. I really appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Amelia said giving me a quick hug that I gave back.
Once I arrived at Eric’s house, I let myself in and went down to his resting place. I turned on my cell phone so I could have some light to see. I hate how totally dark it is in here. I should have brought a flashlight but I guess I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.
I looked to my left and there was Eric laying in his bed almost looking like a boy. His features are relaxed and he has a few strands of hair on his face. He always looks so peaceful when he sleeps (I guess technically dead for the day). I placed the envelope with his letter in his hand so he would hopefully notice it when he wakes up. I brush the hair out of his face and lightly kiss his lips.
“Goodbye, Eric,” I whispered and retreated from his resting place.
I quickly worked my way through the house and locked everything up. I rushed out to my car and out of Shreveport. I want to get back to Bon Temps as soon as possible and put some miles between me and everything here.
I parked my car at the back door and quickly made my way inside. Amelia was standing in the kitchen with a small flask and a large blue bottle in her hands.
“What do you got in your hands there Amelia?” I asked her.
“Your potions. One is for you to take now it’s the stronger of the two and will start blocking the bond. You will then need to keep taking it every day until you want the bond back. You will only have to take a tablespoon of the potion each day for it to work after the initial dose.”
“Thank you so much for this Amelia. You have no idea how much this means to me. I’m going to quickly make sure I’ve got everything I’ll need then I’ll be back to take the potion.”
I walked to my bedroom, grabbed my bags that I left on my bed, and took a quick look around. It looks like I have everything so I headed back into the kitchen where Amelia’s waiting for me. She has a little suitcase sitting by the back door.
“Just drink this and then tell me how you feel,” Amelia said as she handed the flask over to me.
I took the potion from her; I drank it down as fast as I could. Oh my God. This stuff tastes absolutely wretched. I fought to try and not throw up all over poor Amelia. I looked over at Amelia and I can tell she is trying to not crack up.
“What?” I asked her.
“The look on your face is so comical. Does it really taste that bad?”
“I think it’s the worst tasting stuff I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Well you’re lucky because from now on your doses will be much smaller. How do you feel?”
“I feel fine,” I said before I clutched at my chest as I started to feel the bond fade away into nothing. “I no longer feel Eric at all,” I told her as my eyes start to well up. It felt as if there’s a hole in my heart where the bond was.
“Don’t cry Sookie. I thought this is what you wanted.”
“I know. I know. I just didn’t expect it to feel like this. I need to go and you should too. I’m going to leave a message on Eric’s phone in case he doesn’t see his note. I really hope he doesn’t feel like this when he wakes up.” I knew I would hate to wake up with this feeling. Maybe I should have talked to Eric first before doing this but it’s too late now. I have to suck it up and face the consequences.
I gave Amelia a quick hug and told her I hoped to see her soon. I grabbed my bags and the bottle of potion and headed for in my car. Once I was on the highway I called Eric and told him, that I was okay, to please read his letter, and that I’m sorry. I will be in touch with him when I’m going to come home then I turned off my phone. I don’t want to get any phone calls and I hope that with it off it can’t be traced.
I continued my way north on the highway. I need to get as far from Louisiana as I can.
I had been traveling north for a week now when I stopped in a cute little town called Rockland, Maine. Downtown looked like it came straight out of the 1940’s with all of its red, brick buildings that have not been updated in a long time. It’s a small town that looked like any town, anywhere. No one should be able to find me here. What really made my decision for me to stay was the harbor. It’s so peaceful and quaint. It’s lined with old buildings, boats and a mountain that’s full of trees in their fall color splendor.
It’s serene and that’s just what what I need to begin this journey of healing.